Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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