Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
