he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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