This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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