when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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