Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
