I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
