brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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