new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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