I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
