Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
