Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize