I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I fill condoms, not promises.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
