I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
