ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
