I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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