Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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