i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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