Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
