If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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