Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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