rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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