so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
