New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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