okay pat passed out under dana's car
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
