do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
