True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
