and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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