OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
