walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
