i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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