You're my little dorito
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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