So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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