dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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