i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
