don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
