So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it's like iHOP with fire
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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