when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
