I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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