I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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