I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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