Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
