i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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