Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
