theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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