Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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