I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
