I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
