KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Panties = found
Randomize
