This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
