what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
