Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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