If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
