It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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