he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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