he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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