so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
