I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize