I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
