I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
